Disclaimer: The usage of the word “sick” in this article is to reflect the problematic, social stigma around mental illness, and not as a moral or social indictment of people with mental illnesses or disorders.
The first woman I ever loved told me that when you’re queer and Black, illness is a shadow that always follows you but that no one ever acknowledges. She sang the words “I’m fine” every day, and sometimes I wasn’t sure if it was the world or herself that she was trying to convince. You know, she wanted to convince herself that if she simply followed the advice of well-intentioned friends and strangers to smile a little more and to “cheer up,” that she truly would be fine.
I find my loved ones in the gossamer pages of dictionaries. I find myself when I read between the lines. We are a series of bullet points and over-simplified definitions. The New Oxford American Dictionary defines “sick” as:
1. Affected by physical or mental illness
2. of or relating to those who are ill
3. (of an organization, system, or society) suffering from serious problems, esp. of a financial nature
4. pining or longing for someone or something
One.
It took 19 years for me to see a therapist. I squirmed on an ugly love-seat that looked more comfortable than it felt, surrounded by posters that championed ways to feel happy.
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