How to Cope with Grief during the Holidays

How to Cope With Grief during the Holidays
Put together by Tina Mornard
Grief is difficult during the holidays.

Losing a loved one is never easy. The holidays can be a difficult time for families that have recently lost a loved one or are dealing with terminal illness. Coping with grief or depression can be especially hard when other people around you seem so happy. For many families the holidays highlight the absence of the person they have lost, or someone who will not be with them next year. Having a coping strategy before the holiday season can help.

From Quick Guide: Introduction to Grief Counseling
Step 1

Talk with your family and friends. If you will be celebrating with other people ask them to help you decide how to spend the holiday season. Suffering alone will only make things worse, and this is an excellent time to remember the person you have lost with loved ones.
1. DECIDE WHAT YOU CAN HANDLE COMFORTABLY AND LET FAMILY AND FRIENDS KNOW. Can I handlle the responsibility of the family dinner, etc. or shall I ask someone else to do it? Do I want to talk about my loved one or not? Shall I stay here for the holidays or go to a completely different environment?

Step 2

Continue to eat healthy and get plenty of rest. The holiday season is stressful enough and the stress of grief makes things worse. Experts recommend that keeping your body healthy can lower stress and help you feel stronger.
Step 3

Celebrate old traditions or start new ones. Old traditions may be too painful to continue, but traditions are important aspects of family life. Some families choose to focus their celebrations on the season (e.g., winter) rather than a particular day to make it easier to feel joy. Other families find it is important to continue traditions. Young children especially are comforted by traditions. You may choose to incorporate your lost loved one in your traditions, such as leaving a stocking hung for that person.

1. MAKE SOME CHANGES IF THEY FEEL COMFORTABLE FOR YOU. Open presents Christmas Eve instead of Christmas morning. Vary the timing of Chanukah gift giving. Have dinner at a different time or place. Let the children take over decorating the house, the tree, baking and food preparation, etc.

2. RE-EXAMINE YOUR PRIORITIES: GREETING CARDS, HOLIDAY BAKING, DECORATING, PUTTING UP A TREE, FAMILY DINNER, ETC. Do I really enjoy doing this? Is this a task that can be shared?

3. IF YOU DECIDE TO DO HOLIDAY SHOPPING, MAKE A LIST AHEAD OF TIME AND KEEP IT HANDY FOR A GOOD DAY, OR SHOP THROUGH A CATALOGUE.

4. OBSERVE THE HOLIDAYS IN WAYS WHICH ARE COMFORTABLE FOR YOU. There is no right or wrong way of handling holidays. Once you've decided how to observe the time, let others know.

Step 4

Donate a gift or money in honor of your loved one. This is a wonderful way of remembering your loved one and providing for a need at the same time. You can encourage friends and family to donate to the same charity.

Step 5

Do something for other people. Volunteers are always needed in hospitals, soup kitchens or nursing homes. Being active will keep your mind busy while bringing joy to others.

Step 6

Don't feel guilty if you feel happy. It is possible to feel happy and sad at the same time. If you find joy in the holidays it does not take away from the memory of your loved one.

1. ALLOW YOURSELF TO EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS. Holidays often magnify feelings of loss. It is natural to feel sadness. Share concerns, apprehensions, feelings with a friend. The need for support is often greater during holidays.

2. KEEP IN MIND THAT THE EXPERIENCE OF MANY BEREAVED PERSONS IS THAT THEY DO COME TO ENJOY HOLIDAYS AGAIN. THERE WILL BE OTHER HOLIDAY SEASONS TO Be careful not to isolate yourself. It's alright to take time for yourself but don't cut yourself off from the support of family and friends.

3. How do we answer, "Happy Holidays?" You may say, "I'll try" or "Best wishes to you."
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Compiled from eHow and GriefNet. ( GriefNet grants anyone the right to reprint this information without request for compensation so long as the copy is not used for profit and so long as this paragraph is reprinted in its entirety with any copied portion. For further information contact GriefNet Library.)